Why Hearing 'It's Temporary' Can Hurt And What To Say Instead

\Hey guys! Let's dive into a topic that many of us can relate to – that frustrating feeling when people dismiss our struggles by saying, "It's temporary." It’s like, yeah, thanks, I hadn’t figured that one out yet! Seriously though, while these words might be meant to offer comfort, they often minimize our experiences and can leave us feeling even more isolated. So, let’s unpack why this phrase can be so invalidating and how we can navigate these situations with a bit more grace and self-compassion.

Why "It's Temporary" Doesn't Always Help

First off, let’s get real about why hearing "It's temporary" often feels like a slap in the face rather than a gentle pat on the back. When we’re in the thick of a challenging situation, whether it’s a job loss, a breakup, a health scare, or just a really rough patch in life, our emotions are heightened. We're feeling vulnerable, and what we crave most is validation and understanding. Being told something is temporary often feels dismissive of the present pain. It’s like saying, “Oh, just wait it out,” without acknowledging the very real struggle we’re going through right now.

It's crucial to recognize that emotions don't operate on a timeline. You can’t just flick a switch and suddenly feel better because someone told you the situation won't last forever. Grief, for example, has its own rhythm, and it’s not something you can fast-forward through. Telling someone their pain is temporary can inadvertently pressure them to suppress their feelings or feel guilty for not bouncing back quickly enough. We need to remember that healing is not linear; it’s a messy, zig-zagging process with highs and lows.

Another layer to this is the uncertainty that comes with the word “temporary.” How temporary is temporary? A week? A month? A year? When the timeline is vague, it can actually increase anxiety. Our brains are wired to seek certainty, and ambiguous phrases like “it’s temporary” don’t provide that reassurance. In fact, they can create more questions and doubts. Instead of feeling comforted, we might start to worry about how long this temporary state will last and what the future holds.

Furthermore, focusing solely on the temporary nature of a situation can prevent us from addressing the underlying issues. If we’re constantly told to just wait it out, we might miss opportunities for growth or change. For example, if you’re in a job you hate, being told it’s temporary might stop you from seeking out new opportunities or addressing the reasons why you’re unhappy in the first place. Sometimes, the temporary situation is a symptom of a larger problem that needs attention.

The Need for Validation and Empathy

What we truly need when we're struggling is validation and empathy. Validation means acknowledging someone’s feelings and experiences as real and important. It’s about saying, “I see you, I hear you, and your feelings are valid.” Empathy takes it a step further by trying to understand what the other person is going through and sharing in their feelings. When someone offers empathy, it’s like a warm hug for the soul. It makes us feel less alone and more understood.

So, instead of saying “It’s temporary,” what can we say? How about something like, “This sounds incredibly tough, and I’m here for you,” or “I can only imagine how challenging this is. What can I do to support you?” These responses acknowledge the person’s current experience and offer support without minimizing their feelings. They open the door for a deeper conversation and allow the person to feel heard.

How to Respond When Someone Says, "It's Temporary"

Okay, so you’re on the receiving end of this phrase. Someone’s trying to be helpful, but their words are grating on your nerves. What do you do? First off, remember that most people say this with good intentions. They likely care about you and want to offer comfort, even if their words aren’t hitting the mark. Keeping this in mind can help you respond with a bit more patience and understanding.

1. Acknowledge Their Intentions, Then Redirect

One effective approach is to acknowledge their good intentions while gently redirecting the conversation. You could say something like, “I appreciate you trying to help, and I know you mean well. But right now, it’s really tough, and hearing it’s temporary doesn’t quite capture what I’m feeling. Could we talk about…” and then steer the conversation towards what you actually need, whether it’s a listening ear, practical advice, or just a distraction.

2. Express Your Feelings Directly

Another option is to express your feelings directly but kindly. You might say, “I understand you’re trying to reassure me, but when I hear ‘it’s temporary,’ it feels like my current struggles are being minimized. It would mean a lot if you could just listen and validate how I’m feeling right now.” This approach is honest and clear, and it helps the other person understand the impact of their words.

3. Educate Without Accusation

If you have the energy, you can also take the opportunity to educate the person on what might be more helpful to say. You could explain that validation and empathy are more comforting than reassurances about time. For example, you might say, “Instead of saying it’s temporary, it would help me more if you could just acknowledge that this is hard for me right now. Sometimes, just knowing someone understands is enough.” Remember to frame this as an educational moment rather than an accusation, as this will make the conversation more productive.

4. Set Boundaries

Sometimes, despite your best efforts, people continue to say things that are unhelpful. In these situations, it’s important to set boundaries. You might need to limit your conversations with that person or steer clear of certain topics. It’s okay to protect your emotional well-being, even if it means creating some distance. You could say something like, “I appreciate our conversations, but I need to take a break from discussing this topic for a while. It’s not helping me right now.”

5. Focus on Self-Care

While navigating these conversations, don’t forget to prioritize self-care. It’s draining to constantly explain your feelings and manage other people’s reactions. Make sure you’re taking time for yourself to recharge and do things that bring you joy and peace. Whether it’s reading a book, taking a walk, meditating, or spending time with supportive friends, self-care is crucial during challenging times.

What to Say Instead: Offering Genuine Support

Now, let’s flip the script and talk about how we can be better supporters to the people in our lives. If “It’s temporary” is off the table, what can we say? The key is to focus on empathy, validation, and offering practical support.

1. Validate Their Feelings

Start by acknowledging the person’s feelings. Let them know that their emotions are valid and that it’s okay to feel the way they do. You can say things like, “This sounds incredibly difficult,” or “I can see how much this is affecting you.” Validation helps the person feel heard and understood, which is a powerful first step.

2. Offer Empathy

Empathy involves trying to understand the other person’s perspective and sharing in their feelings. You can say, “I can only imagine how challenging this must be,” or “I’m here to listen if you want to talk about it.” Empathy creates a sense of connection and lets the person know they’re not alone.

3. Ask How You Can Help

Sometimes, the best thing you can do is offer practical support. Ask the person what they need and how you can help. This might be as simple as saying, “What can I do to support you right now?” or “Is there anything specific you need?” Offering practical help shows that you’re invested in their well-being and willing to go the extra mile.

4. Listen Without Judgment

One of the most powerful things you can do is simply listen without judgment. Let the person share their thoughts and feelings without interrupting or offering unsolicited advice. Sometimes, just having someone listen can be incredibly therapeutic. Make eye contact, nod, and show that you’re fully present in the conversation.

5. Share Your Own Experiences (Carefully)

In some cases, sharing your own experiences can help the person feel less alone. However, it’s important to do this carefully and make sure the focus remains on them. You could say, “I’ve gone through something similar, and I know how tough it can be. If you ever want to talk about it, I’m here.” Be mindful not to shift the conversation to your own experiences entirely, as this can inadvertently minimize the other person’s feelings.

6. Remind Them of Their Strengths

During tough times, it’s easy to forget our own strengths and resilience. Remind the person of their past successes and their ability to overcome challenges. You can say, “You’ve gotten through tough times before, and I know you can get through this too,” or “You’re one of the strongest people I know.” This can help boost their confidence and remind them that they have what it takes to navigate the situation.

7. Encourage Self-Care

Encourage the person to prioritize self-care. Remind them to take time for themselves and do things that bring them joy and peace. You can say, “Remember to take care of yourself during this time,” or “What can you do today to show yourself some love?” Self-care is essential for emotional well-being, and encouraging it can make a big difference.

8. Offer Hope Without Minimizing

It’s okay to offer hope, but do so without minimizing the person’s current struggles. Instead of saying “It’s temporary,” you can say, “I know things are tough right now, but I believe you’ll get through this. I’m here for you every step of the way.” This acknowledges their present pain while offering reassurance about the future.

Final Thoughts

So, guys, let's ditch the "It's temporary" and embrace more empathetic ways of supporting each other. Remember, validation, understanding, and practical help go a long way in making someone feel seen and heard. And if you’re the one hearing those words, know that your feelings are valid, and you have the right to ask for the support you need. Let’s create a world where we lift each other up with genuine care and compassion. You've got this, and we've got each other!